“Don’t wear shorts, your thighs are way too fat for them”
I was 9 when one of my ‘friends’ told this to me and that’s something I have never forgotten.
I didn’t know what to do. I let it affect my self-esteem so much so that every time I looked into the mirror I felt like I wasn’t attractive, like I wasn’t enough.
After this, I started wearing clothes that weren’t ‘revealing’ in order to hide my body fat but every night as I undressed in front of the mirror unraveling my true self, I would hate myself and my body to the core.
I became sensitive to everything around me, every comment; every joke seemed to be directed to me.
Every morning I would wake up with the ambition of working out and dieting, I would skip breakfast and barely eat anything throughout the day but in the evening I would somehow, no matter how hard I tried, find myself in the kitchen hunting for chocolates. This continued for almost a year and my mental health had taken a toll. Showers would be the most dreaded part of my day, the mirror would be right in front
I would be naked and alone and I could not escape from my body. I would cry my lungs out just wanting to look like one of ‘them’. I would have panic attacks as soon as I saw myself in the mirror.
My nightmares would be ones where I would be standing in front of the mirror and as soon as I would see my reflection I would wake up panting and sweating. There were days when I just wanted to run away, run away from myself, from my body.
All this continued till the day I saw this video about mental wellbeing and body positivity.
I realized that there are numerous women who had been fighting the same battle and the weapon we have in common is self-love.
All I needed was some positive self-affirmation making me feel I was beautiful. It took time but gradually I started liking myself more.
I am beautiful irrespective of my fat, my scars, my double chin, my stretch marks, my body hair and my appearance and there isn’t anything you can say to change my mind
Edited by Raavya Sarda